Do You Hate Christmas?

Are you one of the people who can't stand Christmas? Be happy to know you are not alone. Google "hate Christmas" and you'll get almost 2 million hits. Thousands of people can't stand everything that goes on at this time of the year. They decry the fact Christmas is starting earlier each year. It doesn't mean much anymore except a big spending frenzy, and they can't get any peace until it's all over. Roll on January 6!

If the Christmas season seems to be depleting your reserves of good will towards your fellow human beings; if you catch yourself thinking uncharitable thoughts like throwing your in-laws from the balcony; or should you experience the urge to pull the plug on Rudolph's bright red bulb, it is time to take a deep breath. You can make it through Christmas. You, too, can be a Christmas survivor.

How to enjoy Christmas

Some of us dislike the Christmas because of all the frenzy it brings with it and we feel forced to be jolly. Others feel lonely and blue. Whatever the reason why you hate the Christmas hoopla, the truth is Christmas is bigger than any of the people who hate it. It's not about to be canceled for lack of interest any year soon.

So finding ways to get your peace even though it goes on, is a must.

This thing is bigger than you. If you can't avoid it, you certainly can avoid the controversy that comes when people think you are a wet blanket, or that you are going to rain on their parade.

You will get much more peace and acceptance if you outline your position to yourself, and then tell it to your family and friends. Face them with a decision of what you are prepared to do. Find what you hate most and try to delegate it to someone else, and do stuff you tolerate the best. Make deals.

Say to your family: Look, I hate shopping. Bring everything home and I'll wrap and label. Or you can say: I hate family Christmas dinners. Let's have a picnic this year. Or: I can't stand all those decorations and tree. Let's go minimal and do just one room or the porch.

Show them you are not going to be a pain and try to cancel or ruin everything, but you need to limit your participation.

Take away: Plan, control and participate to the extent you are willing to, without overstepping the mark that makes you grouchy. Compromise. Bargain. Deal

There's always the clean getaway. But don't do it without telling anyone. Plan an escape well before time.

Plan to be away right at Christmas, although I cannot guarantee you won't find it where you're going. True, they don't have Christmas in some places, so plan a holiday somewhere devoid of celebration. Let everyone know. Say you'll phone once or twice, and then head for that yacht for a sail on the wide blue ocean.

Takeaway: If you want to avoid Christmas, plan you escape well in time, and inform the relevant people

Christmas is when sad people get sadder. Failure, depression, lack of real success and disasters that happened during the year all come home to roost at Christmas. When everyone else seems out of their mind with joy, you are gritting your teeth and trying to get a grip on yourself.

If you feel like this, consider the following:

• Although it might seem like it sometimes, Christmas does not last long.
• Although everyone seems jolly and happy, many of them are not. They just fake it better than you.

• Although you feel isolated, it's just a spike, and everything will simmer down when you'll feel part of the group or family again.
• Although you sense you are unfeeling and a grouch, it's only temporary.
• Although you watch yourself gritting your teeth, many won't notice unless you are really horrible.
• Although you feel you can't take it this year, you probably can.
• Although you feel you won't have any fun, you can manage something worthwhile for yourself.

Takeaway: Think of the positive things

The holidays tend to stir up our emotions like no other season. So give yourself the freedom to feel your feelings—and let them pass. This is especially so when others push your buttons. When you ignore your feelings, stuff them or explode them, they are really holding you, instead of you holding them.

Attend to your feelings with care and respect, honoring them almost as little children. And like children, when you pay healthy attention to your emotions, everyone is happier.

Takeaway: Don't let your feelings take a hold of you, but don't ignore them either

It's easy to get caught up finding the right gifts for the people on our gift lists. Gifts are great, but prioritizing the presents (and the shopping, the buying, the wrapping, etc.) more than your relationship with the person receiving it, robs something from both of you.

And maybe this year, choose to give experiences with that person instead of just material possessions.

Takeaway: Consider planning quality time with your beloved ones instead of giving them material gifts.

Are you the one always expected to go all out for the holidays? Perhaps you just expect too much of yourself? Or maybe you're putting unrealistic expectations on your loved ones or the season in general? Give yourself a green light this year to re-assess what is actually correct for you and your family and what things or events you can let go. Fewer things that are more meaningful are better than a ton of things that are only so-so.

Takeaway: Favor quality of quantity

"Family get togethers are by their nature regressive," says psychoanalyst Margaret Crastnopol. "They trigger earlier versions of ourselves, some aspects of which we've struggled to get out of." In these situations it's worth remembering that you will be back to your own life soon. When conflicts arise it's often best to just let things go, even though it may require an almost superhuman level of tolerance. A simple act of avoidance can help break the spell of the psychological past: take a walk, go for a tour in the car, go upstairs to a separate room to make decorations with your kids.

Takeaway:When the going gets tough, get a gasp of fresh air

One classic problem: the unequal treatment of grandchildren via gift-giving. Grandparents sometimes play favorites with their own children by the quality or volume of gifts they give the grandkids. And sometimes, one particular grandchild - or one of his parents - is punished or rewarded by what's under the tree.

"It's a toxic thing to do," says Gayle Peterson, a family therapist and author of Making Healthy Families. If that's come up in the past, parents should have a non-confrontational conversation about it beforehand. Gently point out that it's important that all the children, including stepchildren, feel treated the same, she says. If it seems like the grandparents won't go along, says corporate trainer Barbara Pachter, author of The Power of Positive Confrontation, then, for the youngest children at least, parents should have extra gifts on hand to even things out.

Takeaway: Be prepared for gift-giving moment

One big problem with the holidays is the way they bring together people who sometimes do not like one another very much or are not used to being together, but feel they ought to spend some time together once a year.

When old unflattering stereotypes, personality tags and flaws are recycled, bite your tongue. This one hurts, but can save you a lot of grief later. Whether you're enduring criticisms or hours of pointless prattle, simply nod and smile. Arguing with in-laws, or anybody else in the family, can go two ways: either it leads to a verbal battle or months of apologies on your part to oversensitive egos.

Takeaway: Ask yourself this: would you rather wax your legs quickly or pluck the hairs out one at a time?